Walking the Path of Present & Intentional ‘Dating’ as a Tantrica
Some of you may know I have been walking the ‘Love Map’… embracing the journey of present and intentional dating for some time now… So far I have been on about 7 dates.
Most of them have been really positive. ALL of them have offered me Gold!
It is a curious adventure and very confronting and challenging at times as I have noticed all my ‘stuff’ coming up…
Patterns, fears and conditions around past relationships and love. Limiting thoughts and feelings about myself and my ability to interact with other beings (practicing the art of connection in every area of my life). Staying open to RECEIVE.
Standing in my truth, communicating with open, loving honesty. This is walking the Love Map.
I’m sure dating can be challenging for everyone.
Though what I want to touch on is the added ‘challenge’ of being a Tantric body worker whilst calling in the ‘One’.
One of my greatest passions is to awaken beautiful humans to the MYTHS of Tantra.
The greatest LIE that we in the Western world believe about this is that ‘it is all about SEX’…
It’s just not true.
I just published a Chapter in a book, ‘Your Well Being, Sunrise Edition’, on exactly this topic.
The misconceptions that surround Tantra: the ‘triggers and charge’ that people have around SEX. The dogma, projections and opinions that come along with it…
Often at times, I have been mislabelled as a sex worker, a slut, a witch and a myriad of other assumptions and labels too…
I know full well it will take a seriously conscious, in tune man; who is so comfortable, grounded and solid in his own sexuality and himself, who loves and trusts me unconditionally and honours me as his Queen and best friend who will be not just ok, but love, support, honour and respect me and my line of work.
I get it…
I do touch other men’s penises or Lingam’s (the positive pole of the masculine).
Just as I do offer Breast massage and Yoni worship (vagina de-armouring and healing) for the feminine.
The work I offer is intimate, sensual and deeply healing, though in no way am I a sex worker. (I need to stress here I honour the beautiful brave sisters who choose to offer that as a service too, it is needed and has its place, but that’s not what I do or offer)…
No one gives to me in any way…
This is the conundrum… and it presented itself very poignantly last night.
I found it really interesting that I was confronted by a man, who I had not even met as a human yet, only just spoken to over the phone to arrange a possible date/ meeting… In the phone call we had spoken openly about our values and thoughts and feelings around relationships being sacred. Absolutely!
He had also mentioned his discomfort at the fact that I worked with other males, aroused them and at times, they do choose to ejaculate, and I knew he had issues around this.
I honoured his truth and agreed with him whole heartedly that a relationship is sacred. That my desire is for a monogamous relationship and that I have been veering more towards working predominantly with the feminine and even now marrying my work with Tantric principals into my Business coaching…
This is all true.
I answered all his questions beautifully. Honestly. In integrity. And promised that I will always answer any questions he may have in this way… that’s all he and anyone will ever get from me.
Truth spoken in love to the best of my ability in the moment.
Though when I hung up from the call, I noticed something… A feeling…
Something I haven’t felt for a very long time…
Shame.
I felt almost guilty. Guilty for touching other humans.
Shame for doing something that, although so honouring and always held in divine integrity, could be perceived by some as being ‘dirty’ and ‘wrong’… Sex is a very charged subject…
But I love it so much… I view my role as a facilitator, teacher, healer and guide as a sacred honour… and I am so good at it?!
I have facilitated some profound shifts in the lives of many through sharing my Tantric gifts and energy.
I have helped shine a light to empower, give permission to, realign others to their innate strengths, sexual creativity and life force energy!
Is this wrong?!???
Does this make me unlovable?
Will no one ever accept me?
Be ok with what I do?
I sat with this for some time and meditated on it deeply.
I happened to mention it to a beautiful male friend of mine. This man is someone I love and respect deeply and I look to him as a prime example in my life of ‘the King’ I am choosing to call in to meet me…
I told him I needed to step away from bodywork or ‘I will never be able to manifest my ideal relationship’…
“What are you saying? Why would you say that? Are you ashamed of what you do?” was his baffled response.
This man has experienced Tantric sessions with me.
He knows the integrity of them as sacred and powerful catalysts for activating change as energy aligns and life force energy is directed positively and productively as two beings merge weaving and channelling energy alone. He has experienced the gifts that came online for him as a result.
This took me aback…
Fuck. Am I ashamed? I thought…
“No” I replied grounding through my heart into my womb and my pussy. All feminine energy centres a FULL BODIED YES, clean and online…
“I love what I do”…
“So will the One you call in!”… said my friend.
“If you dim your light and quash your natural gifts and talents to make someone else feel ‘ok’ you are not allowing yourself to blossom as a divine woman”…
He was right.
So last night I decided to speak my truth… I ‘got my Brave on’ and decided to communicate this truth to this other man…
He had cancelled our arranged date due to a double booking and I had said I had a bodywork client that night too so it was all good and not in divine timing.
He got back to me asking questions about my session…
Is it a male client?
Is it for Tantra?
I felt the Shame creep back in momentarily. Like maybe I had to justify myself. Make excuses…
Instead I took a deep breath with one hand on my heart and the other on my womb.
This was my reply… (actual text)
“Hi…
Ask and ye shall receive… nothing but honest open feedback. Always.
I love what I do and do what I love. So always happy to communicate about it.
I agree with your philosophy on life and creating by the way…
Re Thursday session: Yes Tantra. Yes male client.
Now, I have really felt into this since our conversation… meditated on it deeply… I feel if me seeing men in this way is going to be an issue for you at all, which I totally honour and respect by the way…. maybe it’s best we don’t pursue anything and leave things here as they are.
I have been sitting with things and though I too am curious to explore more with and about you… the man I ultimately am calling in loves what I do. Is so trusting of me he wants nothing but to see me blossom doing what is my genius zone and gives me pleasure!
The minute I feel restricted or restrained – have any kinds of rules placed on me, my light is dimmed. That would lead to problems in me first and ultimately in the relationship…
That’s my truth…
I don’t know what I’m doing right now. I’m transitioning both personally and professionally…
Though I do know I need my partner to be 100% supportive of whatever I do. As I will be of him. With no judgement and no attachment only unconditional love.
I understand if this is a deal breaker. It may be for many…
but not for my ‘one’ x”
This was his reply… (I share this not to shame him in anyway, he is totally entitled to his opinion and beliefs. Though this is a perfect example of the misconceptions and projections that surround the subject of what I do and Tantra in general, so I feel it valuable to be witnessed)
“Thanks for your honesty Ella.
Yes I understand it being a deal breaker for you and I have thought about it and it’s the same for me.
You can create any terminology around it, but really what you do at its most basic form is have sex with many men and women.
Most of the men, no matter what you choose to believe, or what they say, which they know you want you hear, is simply that you make them cum and that is their turn on.
Today, massage parlours with happy endings are incredibly popular, the girls don’t have sex and more men actually like it that way. They get a hot young girl to masturbate them, they don’t have to do any work (men work during conventional sex) and they don’t have the guilt of penetration.
What you do is no different. The story both you and your customers create around it, is simply to make it more acceptable.
You don’t realise, that the ‘one’ who accepts that you make men cum everyday, is actually going to be getting off on it and won’t really love you.
The man that loves you will want the sacred bond to exist between the two of you.
You have grown in some areas but I don’t think you will find what you are looking for in a partner the way you are choosing to travel now.
But your journey is yours, I am just offering an alternate path.
I wish you well on your journey…”
This reply was not unexpected though it has bought home to me just how important it is for me to remain grounded in myself, true to my values, my integrity, my own permission to be a liberated, sensual and embodied GODDESS and not ever be swayed by misinformation or others Fear based paradigm.
It is a GIFT too. It has reinforced me to Love myself and what I do ever harder!!!
I share this to bring a light to the fact no matter who you are…
What you choose to do…
How you live your life…
If you are living in integrity. Practising the art of open, willing, honest and loving communication. Being true to yourself. Empowering yourself and others in this way… The ‘One’ for you WILL MEET YOU THERE & LOVE YOU FOR IT!
The only one Super Power each of us have on the planet is the power of CHOICE.
Our choices are neither good nor bad but they do define the person we ultimately become!
Go and choose now…
to Be Brave.
Love Hard.
Move, Sound and Breath in your beautiful body!
Be Sensual and Liberate your Sexuality!
Thank you for all the gifts along the way on this curious adventure…
Now once more, I surrender to the loving arms of the universe with open arms and hands ready willing and able to RECEIVE!!!
Let LOVE in beauties!
Namaste,
Ella x
Pam Ella