I am JOY!!!!!

I feel I have just come out of a very dark place… A great friend recently shared some info with me from a an amazing man named Matt Kahn, all about “respecting the Shadow”…. This has had a profound effect on me…

Over the past 2 weeks I have been journeying some dark… old… shit… not all of it mine I might add, but SHADOW stuff none the less. It has been intense. I retracted. I felt overwhelmed.

My “work” has been a god send for me during this time… I am now living in total alignment with my authentic self, my truth and my purpose on this planet; so teaching my own medicine is THE most powerful healing agent not just for those I work with but also for me!It is at times like these I realize how GRATEFUL I am!

Because I didn’t used to have this outlet… I didn’t used to have this understanding… I used to live in OVERWHELM all the time! FEELING all the feelings and having no clear way to Navigate…No path to follow. No clarity. No purpose. Totally not embodied. Not integrated, feeling isolated and alone.

Drugs were my way of coping. Alcohol. Food. Bulimia. Sex. TV. ANYTHING to take myself out of my body and away from ALL the shit! The dark. The shadow!!!! I ran from it. I hated it… so I hated myself. I would try everything to CHANGE it! To get rid of it! To FIX it!!! I never RESPECTED it! I never Respected its POWER!!! So this week I have been playing with implementing all that I have learned…

I have journeyed with it…

Sat in it… Allowed it to be there… Talking to it… Not fighting it… No judgment… No attachment… I have said sorry to it… Paid homage to it… Thanked it… in deep gratitude… And let it know that I SEE it, FEEL it… and I RESPECT its POWER!!!

And do you know what… The Shadow… in all its glorious darkness… did not fight back. It did not rage and kick and claw to be seen or heard as it would usually… No. It simply softened… and expanded… and expanded, like a cloud… and melted back into the light… The clouds have lifted now…

I have space once again. I have journeyed the dark to come back into the light. I have taken all the GIFTS from this experience and new awareness’s. I have a new found respect and knowledge of how to Navigate this or moments like this in the future…

I have been journaling too… So I have access to a record for when times get crazy and I might forget!

Initiation.

The word that keeps being presented to me over and over again… is INITIATION!!! I am aware and feeling on a very deep level the Earth is going through a phase of intense initiation right now. Each one of us as unique sovereign spiritual being’s having a human existence on this planet is going through our own version of that Initiation too…

We are now being confronted by our own shadows… The Shadow of the whole consciousness… These Shadows we are journeying can be anything from: FEAR, DOUBT, VICTIM, GUILT, DOGMA, SHAME, JEALOUSY, CRITIC, JUDGMENT, HATRED, RAGE, ANGER, INERTIA, APATHY, DEPRESSION, ANXIETY… to name a few and the list goes on and on…

Trust your intuition.

If you have been feeling or uncovering any of these Shadows in your sentience or orbit lately… (Sometimes the wounds of the Masculine and Feminine can be felt as deep shadows…) I challenge you… Just notice what happens if you stop fighting it… soften… Sit with it… Breathe!… Make space for it… Talk to it!!! Tell it you are listening… Say sorry to it! Show it some empathy. Acknowledge it as the divine consciousness that it TOO is and let it know you RESPECT its POWER!!!

What happens?… just notice… Remember… This too shall pass… The darkest night is right before the dawn!!! Tonight marks the end of one cycle… and the beginning of a new journey… INITIATION!!! I love you and SEE you all!!! I love your LIGHT! I love your GREY! I love your SHADOWS!!! INTEGRATION here we come xxx

Here’s to your journey xxx

From my orgasmic heart to yours…

Tantra Ella xxx